Death, regardless of the details, is capable of devastating those it leaves behind. Brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, or father — all losses are ificant. Although commonalities exist amongst people who have experienced a certain type of loss, individual grief is as unique as the person experiencing it and their relationship with the person who died.
Shared experiences tell us, if nothing else, that we are not the only ones. However, we do know that these types of losses can present very specific barriers, stumbling blocks, and secondary losses.
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Thanks to our readers whose input went into writing this article. We recently wrote a post about grieving the death of a best friend. Afterwards many people commented that their partner was their best friend, which made their loss feel two-fold. For many of you, your ificant other was the one person who knew how long to let you vent and how to calm you down.
In fact, there are times when you still pick up the phone to call them after a terrible day, only to be reminded that they are gone. Love may not be blind, but it is often very accepting. Your partner may have been the one person knew how deeply flawed and crazy you were, but chose to love you anyway. The world can feel dark when it seems like there is no one in it who will accept and love you for who you truly are. Perhaps your partner knew how you took your coffee and how you liked your eggs.
After having someone like this in your life, not having it can feel very scary and isolating.
As a human you most likely crave some level of physical comfort. You miss their mess, their snoring, their talking, their singing, and their TV blaring. Your bed is half-empty when you go to bed at night, and again when you wake up in the morning. Your home is incredibly lonely and way too quiet. After the death of a partner, there are endless logistical considerations like household chores, the loss of primary or secondary income, childcare, paying bills, paperwork, estates, dealing with their belonging s, the loss of identity, and so on.
You can check out our post on secondary loss here. Perhaps you knew what they wanted in terms of end-of-life care, funeral arrangements, estates, and belongings, but if not, you are left to guess.
A return to single status is hard for a hundred reasons. Many people say they feel like a third wheel after the death of their partner, which can be awkward and alienating. How long have you been out of the dating pool? Long enough to fear jumping back in?
Some people love dating…many do not. We receive a lot of from people who are dating while grieving and who are dating someone who is grieving. Parenting is hard; being a single parent is harder; being the single parent of grieving children is one of the hardest. When your co-parent has died, all responsibility falls on you to keep your children safe, clothed and loved.
You are the link between your children and their deceased parent and so it is your job to help them stay connected. You may grieve for everything your partner will miss has missed out on. Special moments, having children, having grandbabies, retirement — these are things your ificant other would have loved to experience. After someone dies, it is normal to grieve the past as well as your hopes and dreams for the future.
Since your loved one has died, you will mourn for all the things you had dreamed of sharing with them. Are you a husband? A wife? A widow? A widower? For so long your identity, in some way, was a reflection of your relationship with your ificant other. Now that you have to live on your own, without your partner, your identity may need to shift and change.
It is common for people to feel guilt and regret about things that happened in their relationship with the deceased, even if these thing occurred years before the person died. Perhaps you wish you had treated your partner better, perhaps they never forgave you for something, maybe you regret something you said, maybe you regret not saying enough, or maybe you feel guilty for the fact that you survived and they died. Sometimes, despite the best of intentions, people grow distant and they lose touch. You not only miss being able to spend special days with your ificant other but now these days have become a minefield of reminders and grief triggers.
Notes, oil changes, special dinners, birthday cakes, surprise lattes, gifts for no reason, compliments, inside jokes, letting you rest — whatever it was, it was unique to you and your loved one. Nothing can replace the joy they brought you.
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You were supposed to grow old with your partner, and perhaps you worry that you will spend the rest of your life alone or lonely now that they have died. Listen to the WYG Podcast. Subscribe to stay up to date on all our posts. TLC May 19, at pm Reply. Hello, I lost my girlfriend back in October3 days after her 69th birthday.
We were together for approx. We were both married twice before so we just decided to keep our relationship the way it was even after we decided to move in together Sept.
Relationships: the 6 reasons people leave (and how to avoid it happening to yours) all the great stories were filled with struggle, and there would always be a way to conquer the shadows, even if all seemed lost as it did now.
She was 8 years older than myself, she always ate healthy, did yoga on a daily basis, non-smoker. She worked as a massages therapist and she had many clients who loved her work. All of a sudden she started to eat, and she started to lose weight and she started to feel weak over a short period. She had holistic believes and always told me and everyone that she will heal herself when anything is wrong with her. He ended up picking her up and taking her to a nearby urgent care after she refused to go see a doctor over several months.
She ended up getting admitted and it was so devastating when the doctors said she had ovarian cancer. After a week of them clearing up sepsis because from blocked urinary tract caused by the tumor they found, she was sent home on hospice care. After she passed away it took me a while to really believe it has happened. I just never figured anything like this would happen to her because of her lifestyle. Her mission in life was to heal people. For herself she did everything you can imagine to prevent of cancer. When I look and think back, I she had at least gotten a yearly well checkup.
I am a lot better, can at least sleep but I still have depressing moments… I have read comments and stories from others. This is not easy to deal with, so I can relate to many stories. Debbie May 11, at pm Reply. I am struggling to get over the loss of my boyfriend.
He died April 1, which was him birthday. We had a hard time because he was my x-husbands cousin. We had to keep it a secret when we first started going out.
We were together for years. I truly loved him with all my heart. We had some rough times and challenges because of the situation.
We spent a lot of time together. He had recently started going to my family functions with me, it was amazing. He went to the hospital and was there for 18 days and kept getting worse. They sent him to another hospital, he was there 2 days and died. I miss him so much.